Does Changing Sleep Habits Mean My Baby Has to Cry?

Erica Desper

The Award for Most Commonly Asked Question Goes to...

Baby with concerned look on his face

If I could boil down parents concerns about addressing sleep struggles into just one it would be, "Will my baby have to cry?" I am asked this question quite often and want to answer it here for any parent who is suffering through chronic sleep deprivation out of fear of tears. 


First, let’s touch on the phrase sleep “training”. I am not a fan of the term as it evokes so much negativity and is equated with leaving a baby to cry alone until they crash from exhaustion. What we are talking about here is embarking on a process of sleep learning. A process where you, as the parent, learn new ways to help baby fall asleep and baby learns to fall asleep more independently. That does not require putting baby down to cry alone. Will it, however, involve crying?


Here’s the deal. Change is hard. And most of us don’t welcome it. Our initial reaction is to balk at change and try to cling to what is familiar. So, even if you are making very tiny changes over a long period of time, your baby has just one way to tell you, “Hey! I noticed that you’ve changed something. This is new and hard and I want to go back to doing what we were doing before!” And that one way, for a non-verbal child is crying. 


Let’s say, for example, that you’ve been nursing baby to sleep and that is no longer working to get them to sleep. Or maybe it is working to get baby to sleep but they are now popping awake as soon as you try to put them down and every 45 minutes overnight wanting to nurse again. Even if you take the most hands on gradual approach to change and choose to rock baby to sleep or back to sleep, from their perspective, that is still a big change. And they will likely let you know. Yes, you are still helping baby to sleep but not in the way they are used to or the way they prefer. As a result, there may be some crying as baby communicates this to you.


Once we interpret crying as communication the question then becomes, not how to prevent it, but how you feel most comfortable responding to the crying and supporting baby through the tears and the adjustment. For many of us crying in arms or with a parent present for support is entirely different than leaving baby to cry alone. And many babies can adjust to change just as well, if not better, using an approach that allows you to be present and gradually offer less and less support. 


Sleep is a learned skill, much like walking or riding a bike, and learning something new can be stressful! Experiencing that stress in a supportive, loving environment though leads to learning. Much like learning to ride a bike we can help baby along for much of the ride, letting go once they have the skill to coast on their own.


So, if you’ve been hesitant to address your baby’s sleep struggles for fear they would need to cry it out alone, take solace in the fact that there are other options . Yes, change is hard on all of us but the way change is presented and the support baby receives to cope with the adjustment can make a world of difference. 


Learn why your baby is waking so often and how we can help you improve sleep using a gentler,  more gradual approach by contacting us today!

Learn More About Sleep Support Schedule a Discovery Call

Erica Desper founder of Confident Parenting

Erica Desper founded Confident Parenting in 2011, as a certified baby and child sleep consultant offering group and private counseling for families struggling to get their baby or child to fall and stay asleep. Erica has supported hundreds of families in and around the Main Line and Philadelphia area and internationally to improve the quality of their families’ sleep. She is also mom to son, Jaiden who, as a baby, was very good at crying and not very skilled in sleeping! 


Confident Parenting was named “Best Way to Get Everyone Some Sleep” by the Main Line Parent and Philadelphia Family communities in 2017, “Best Sleep Consultant” by the Main Line Parent community in 2018 in and “Family Favorite” Sleep Consultant by the Philadelphia Family Community in 2019. For more information about sleep or potty training support or their approach to sleep learning, visit BeAConfidentParent.com.


By Bernadette Samuels February 7, 2025
We often recommend sleep stories or soothing music or sounds to help children settle in bed for the night, or for a “replacement” voice when we are trying to foster more independent sleep. I recently discovered Cozy Critters. From a mom and sleep consultant’s perspective, I love love love this podcast!! It’s too good not to share. My kids can't wait to get into bed and hear about the next animal. This has been incredibly helpful when trying to keep the bedtime routine moving. If you ask me this one is ✨ A Must-Try for Bedtime! ✨ Each episode explores a different animal with fun facts, a gentle storytelling style, and a cat co-host named Miss Meow Meow (adorable, right?). Your child helps blow up a magical hot air balloon with deep breaths (a great relaxation tool!) and floats off to the animal’s habitat. The episodes are just 10-15 minutes—perfect for listening to one together and maybe another as they drift off on their own. Bonus: Cozy Critters also offers soothing nature soundscapes for kids who prefer less talking! And it’s even been featured by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine and is rated for ages 2-7. Trust me, your kids will look forward to bedtime with this one! Have you tried it yet? Let us know what your little ones think! 💤✨ Learn more about Cozy Critters Podcast Here! You might also be interested in: Do Lights And Screens Really Affect Bedtime?
By Erica Desper January 19, 2025
If bedtime has become something you dread, you are not alone! One of the most common struggles parents experience is bedtime drama. Whether your child is crying, stalling, or popping in and out of bed like a jack in the box, these tips will help your family start enjoying bedtime again! #1 Tank them Up During the Day It is tempting when your child fights bedtime to experiment by withholding naps or cutting them short in the hope of lessening the struggle. In most cases sending a child to bed tired backfires and exacerbates the problem or leads to an easy bedtime but frequent night waking. There are of course exceptions but, most often, filling up their daytime sleep “tank” with plenty of daytime sleep will lead to a more peaceful night. #2 Role Play For children who are old enough for pretend play it can be very empowering to rehearse bedtime when it isn’t actually time to say goodnight and separate. During playtime, help your child to act out the bedtime scenario with their favorite stuffed animal, having them practice what we do (and don’t do!) at bedtime. You can also tuck your child in to practice and then reverse roles. #3 Spend Time in the Room and Crib When Awake Many babies and children spend so little time in their room or crib outside of separating for sleep that they can begin to have a negative association with the space. To ensure a positive and cozy association, be sure to spend some time each day playing in the room and crib. Playing peek-a-boo in the crib railings, flying in and out of the crib like an airplane, and board games or a tea party on the floor are all great places to start. #4 Put the House to Sleep Transitions are hard for many little ones and it is tough to wind down at the end of the day. To help your child’s body and brain prepare to shift from playtime to sleepyland, start winding the house down about an hour before bedtime. Dim the lights and draw the blinds, end screen time, and slow down the activity level. #5 Watch the Timing Bedtime struggles are more likely when a child is overtired. Overtiredness can easily occur when bedtime is too late on the clock or when the awake period from the end of the last nap to the start of bedtime is too long. Aim to start the bedtime routine right at or even a bit before your child is showing signs of tiredness so you can prevent the second wind that occurs by missing that ideal sleep “window”. Babies and children often need to be asleep much earlier than we think and shifting bedtime earlier in increments can help you arrive at that magic spot where they can go down and stay down most easily. #6 Check the Environment Sleep can be hard to come by if the environment is too hot, cold, noisy or bright. Create a sleep “cave” that is cool, dark, and quiet. Use blackout curtains to block the sun in the early evening and morning and white noise to mask siblings and the neighborhood. Be sure your child isn’t over bundled and that the room temperature is not above 65-70 degrees. #7 Offer a Comfort Item Ease separation anxiety at bedtime by offering your child a transitional object to turn to for comfort. For babies, a small and breathable “lovey” square with stuffed animal head can be perfect to snuggle and suck on while drifting off. (Be sure to check with your pediatrician to see when it is safe to introduce one to your baby, especially if they are under one year of age.) You can encourage an attachment by including the lovey in the feeding process and bedtime routine and placing it with baby in the crib. For older children they may find comfort in holding a well-worn shirt of Mom or Dad’s or lining up some action figures to guard them while they sleep. #8 Have a Predictable and Consistent Routine The best way to eliminate stalling and anxiety is to create a consistent and predictable bedtime routine that is the same from night to night and person to person. This way your child knows what to expect and when the routine will be wrapping up. Set limits on how many books, songs, bathroom trips and chit-chat minutes you will allow and stick to those limits every night. #9 Institute a Last Call For older children who like to ask for one more this and one more that, institute a last call before you leave the room. You might say, “Okay this is the last call for the potty/water/questions, etc.” Try to anticipate those things your child will want more of and give them one last opportunity to get them. After the last call be very consistent with not giving in to requests for “one more”. Or try offering 1-3 tickets and each time you honor a request, they turn one in. When the tickets have been used, one more’s are all done for that night. #10 Respond the Same Way Every Time If your child continues to struggle at bedtime with all of the above in place, don’t despair. Remember that they are like little scientists, learning about the world by conducting experiments to see what might happen next. Regardless of whether you choose to stay with your child, return at intervals, or leave them to fall asleep on their own, give them the same response every time they are having a hard time. Consistency is more important than approach so pick one and stick with it long enough for your little one to catch on. With a few simple tweaks to your evening routine, your family can look forward to peaceful bedtimes. If you need support to get there, reach out to learn more about how we can help.
By Amelia Kinsolving January 16, 2025
It’s January and it’s officially 2025 (actually it’s been 2025 for 15 entire days already). This month and time of year often brings a lot of discussion surrounding resolutions and big changes for the upcoming year. Last year my family set a family goal and it was great for us. Our 2024 family goal was that we would visit 24 new playgrounds in 2024. I was inspired by other families doing the 1000 hours outside challenge, but with our life and the climate I was hesitant to commit to 1000 hours outside. 24 new playgrounds felt ambitious but achievable and it still encouraged us to get outside more and as an added bonus was a free activity! We achieved our goal. I was very proud of us and immediately started thinking about what our family goal and my personal goals for this year should be. We wanted something that would still encourage us to be outside and try new things. So this year we intend to visit 25 state parks. (We managed to visit 2 so far.) Now that we have set and accomplished one family goal, I am excited and optimistic for this one. I also wanted to add in some personal goals for myself. I have a list of some different things I would like to work on this year, but the biggest of those is adding to our savings and taking some time for myself. Time for myself, feels like a little bit of an easy goal to set. I want to read more and this is something I can do for myself. I set a small goal of reading 10 books this year and have downloaded the goodreads app to help me keep track of that. Adding money to savings feels more daunting but I can do it! Again I have been inspired by seeing others take on No buy 2025 or shopping ban challenges. I thought of some ways I can keep my spending in check, for example no more Doordash or only doing drive up for a Target order so I don’t have to go inside the store. I am going to work on one of those small goals each month to work on saving more money. We would love to hear what your 2025 goals are! Do you have parenting goals, personal goals, financial goals, family goals etc.? Confident Parenting has a wonderful village of partners who are here to help families with many different challenges and some of them could be an excellent resource for your 2025 goals. Check them out! Goals: Ditch diapers completely, get sleep on track or get help behavioral support- Confident Parenting Goals: Declutter/organize or stay on top of the never ending chore that is the laundry- Lessen The Loads Goals: Manage parenting challenges- Maria Sanders Parent Coach Goals: Deal with mealtime challenges- Toddlers and Tomatoes Goals: Personal Fitness and or /Pelvic floor fitness- KatFit and Restore The Floor Physical Therapy & Pelvic Health Goals: Personal/Mental Health- Wholeheart Reproductive Mental Health Goals: Eat home cooked meals/make weeknight dinner less hectic- Home Cooked Goals: Prepare your home for a baby on the move- Safer Babies Goals: Learn! Find resources for any parenting question/scenario- Main Line Family Education Goals: Find a great speech, physical or occupational therapist for your child- Talk, Eat, Play Grow and Play At Home Physical and Occupational Therapy Need support to achieve your families 2025 goals? Our team would be happy to chat about how we can help!
By Amelia Kinsolving January 3, 2025
As I am typing this it is January 3rd. Welcome to the new year! We are planning to start our homeschool schedule again on Monday, and I am feeling like I am coming up for air after drowning in the holidays. The lack of our consistent daily schedule combined with extra holiday to-dos and a diet of holiday treats has left me feeling very foggy. I often feel like this after the holidays, so I know what I’m going to do over the next few days to give myself the breath that I need and to prepare to return to our regular life. Here are my tips for a post holiday reset. 1. Reset Your Space A favorite author/content creator K.C. Davis has a book called “How To Keep House While Drowning” . I highly recommend it. From the tips in this book, I have learned to reset my space as a kindness for myself. I use a visual timer and set 20-30 minutes (or 5 minutes if I’m feeling really bleh) and race the clock to get as much as I can done. For me this looks like returning toys to their bins, putting laundry in the hamper, dishes in the dishwasher etc. I am not deep cleaning anything, but rather just returning everything to its “home”. Post holidays, there are likely new toys in your space, so you will need to find those things homes. I did a Target drive up order for 2 new bins the day after Christmas even though I did my very very best to limit the new toys coming in. I’m convinced this is an un-winnable battle that goes on forever, but I try nevertheless. 2. Visual Schedule For Children We like to use visuals in my home. During the holiday we fall off of the bandwagon a bit, but today we will return to making sure the schedule is correct and up to date. Be cautious not to overpack your schedule this week. Return to your normal activities and be kind and patient with yourself. 3. Check Your Calendar For The Week Whatever calendar you use, check it and make sure you 100% know what’s on it for the week. Is it missing anything? Is there something on there that’s not correct? We are heading back into real life so we want to make sure your organizational tools are up to date. I have an appointment on my schedule for this week that had been entered incorrectly, but I managed to catch that this morning with this check in. 4. Groceries/A Plan To Eat Meals I have been surviving on holiday snacks and treats for a week. I did a grocery order and planned out our meals for the week. If you struggle with this area check out our friends at HomeCooked . 5. Laundry! I haven't touched the laundry since before Christmas, which is not a great move in a house with little humans. I am working to get the laundry mountain taken care of today. If this is an area where you struggle, you can check out our friends Lessen The Loads ! 5. Practice Self Care (Whatever That Means For You) In order to return to real life, you need to be kind to yourself. For me this looks like a walk outside with an audiobook. Whatever that looks for you, try to make some time for yourself, especially this week. Will I accomplish every single one of those goals to the extent that I would like to, probably not. However, having a plan and goals will help me to jump back into the swing of things and find the breath of air that I need.
Toddler sleeping during the holidays
By Erica Desper December 5, 2024
The busy holiday season is upon us. Even if you aren't traveling, the festivities and excitement of the season may still take a toll on your little one's sleep. Here are a few tips to keep in mind that can save just a small piece of your child’s slumber - and your sanity - this holiday season.
Baby Playing with Holiday Decorations
By Safer Babies December 1, 2024
Safer Babies has you covered with this list of practical ways to keep your little ones safe while decking the halls & celebrating at home. DECORATIONS Make sure your holiday decorations include items your child CAN touch & feel. Place any decoration that would not be safe if used as a toy out of reach of the child. Never leave your child alone in a room with lit candles. Don't leave lit candles near air vents, open windows, or ceiling fans, or on tablecloths or runners where they can get pulled down. Even better, consider using flameless candles. Keep holiday plants at a safer distance from young children & pets. Eating holly or mistletoe berries can cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and drowsiness. If eaten in sufficient amounts, severe symptoms can occur. Watch out for berries that fall to the floor. Poinsettia and Christmas tree needles may cause mouth/throat irritation, stomach upset, or irritate the skin if handled by children. So keep poinsettias at safe distance from young children, and vacuum tree needles regularly. Spray snow is safe when it is dry. But it is an aerosol that contains chemicals that can irritate the lungs, nose, and eyes if inhaled when spraying. Tip: Follow directions and spray in well-ventilated areas; don’t spray near children. Consider placemats rather than tablecloths. Tablecloths can get pulled leaving the hot, breakable or flammable contents of the table to fall. TREES Use a wide-based stand & secure your tree to the ceiling or wall with fishing line + an eye-hook. Consider using non-breakable ornaments. Plastic, cloth, paper, felt & ribbon decorations are great alternatives to fragile glass & ceramic. If you choose breakable ornaments, put them only on the upper branches of the tree, & attach them securely with florist wire. Use non-breakable ornaments on the lower branches. To prevent burns, use LED lights that stay cool. Replace ornament hooks with string or ribbon or florist wire. Do not put any chemical preservatives into the tree water. They might be toxic if your child ingests some of the water. Avoid trimmings that resemble candy or food that may tempt a young child to eat them. Do not use tinsel. It is easy to swallow and causes intestinal blockage. And it can wind around the baby's fingers, cutting off circulation. Also, certain brands contain lead. If the above suggestions don't work: consider placing a play yard gate system around the tree during the hours your little one is awake. Consider getting a tiny tabletop tree for your playroom, with kid-friendly ornaments, or hand made paper ornaments. Or use a paper or sticker material Christmas tree that can be affixed to the wall. Your child will have fun decorating and redecorating throughout the season and will love having one tree that is their domain GIFT WRAP Ribbons, gift wrap, packing material, and plastic wrapping pose choking, suffocation & fire dangers. Dispose of them as soon as they come off a gift. Gift wrap may contain traces of lead. Prevent children from chewing on it. TOY SAFETY Select toys to suit the age, abilities, and interest level of the child. Recommended age ranges are listed on the packages. Toys that are too advanced may pose safety hazards for younger children. Young children can choke on small parts contained in toys or games. Children under the age of 3 cannot have parts less than 1.25 inches in diameter and 2.25 inches long, per government regulations. Button batteries and magnets can be found in toys, musical greeting cards, remote controls, hearing aids, and other small electronics. They pose danger to children and can result in serious stomach and intestinal problems, including death. If a toy has a battery compartment that seems like it can be easily opened, you can tape over the area. If it still seems too accessible, consider keeping that toy away from your child until they are old enough to keep small items out of their mouth. Small, powerful magnets are part of some building toy sets, many of which have been recalled. Watch for strings and straps that are more than 12 inches in length, for example on pull toys. They could be a strangulation hazard for babies and small children. And remember: Infants & young children feel stress at holiday time, just as parents do. Take breaks! Play. Read a book. Cancel something! Sing. Dance! Cuddle. Enjoy.
By Amelia Kinsolving November 18, 2024
If you have a little human in your life, then you know that holiday plans and schedules can be a little bit complicated. How and when are we traveling? Is that going to create a nap problem or push bedtime too late? What food will be available? Should I pack snacks? What about toys? And if you have recently been working on potty-training, that throws another layer of complications and questions into the mix! So Here are 4 Tips for Holiday Events and Travel with your newly potty-trained kiddo! 1. Prepare For Accidents If you would love for your kiddo to wear a cute holiday outfit that matches their cousins, I suggest waiting until you arrive at your destination and your child has used the potty to put it on. You’ll want to pack extra outfits and shoes. You don’t want to feel like you have to leave early because there was an accident and your kiddo needs a new set of clothes. 2. Go Potty Right Before You Get In The Car To the absolute best of your abilities, you will want to have your kiddo go to the potty right before you get in the car. If you are not on a strict time schedule, you can just wait until they have a successful pee in the potty and then head to the car. If you need to leave at a specific time, you can use a when/then prompt. For example: When you put pee in the potty, then we will get in the car.” 3. Prepare For Public Bathrooms Or Have A Travel Potty You’ll want to have a plan for potty stops on the way. That could look like stopping somewhere or having a travel potty in your car. As a mom to a 3 year old person, my preference is the potty in the car. We have been loving the One Done Portable Potty Cup. Check out our shopping page for our favorite travel potty products. If you are planning for public bathrooms, think about what could make that experience easier for your kiddo. Is your child sensitive to loud noises? Would it be possible to have noise canceling headphones for them or use hand sanitizer and skip the sinks and loud hand dryers? 4. Prepare For Going Potty In A New Place When you arrive at a new place, even if it is a place your child has been to before, take them to go visit the bathroom. Just go see where it is and what it looks like here. You don’t need to put any pressure on them to use the potty during this first trip. It’s a fact finding mission. I also suggest bringing your little potty while traveling because that will allow your child to choose their comfortable and familiar potty and you won’t need to worry about what the potty set up looks like in this new environment. Building a solid potty learning foundation will help make taking those potty skills on the go easier. If the potty has become a struggle in your household or if you would like to have a plan before you get started, book a 15-minute Discovery Call and speak with one of our consultants to learn more about our one-on-one potty support. You might also be interested in: * Protecting Sleep Through The Holiday Season * Holiday Safety Dangers to Avoid
By Safer Babies October 22, 2024
Safer Babies has been keeping Philadelphia area families safe since 1999. With over 22,000 hours of childproofing experience, they know all too well the top reasons kids visit hospitals on Halloween and how to proactively avoid the trip! #1 EYE INJURIES Use soft, flexible props and weapons. Nothing sharp or rigid. #2 BURNS Make sure costumes, wigs and accessories are made of flame-resistant materials. Consider pumpkin painting as a jack-o-lantern alternative. Try a flameless candle or glow stick instead of a candle in jack-o-lanterns. Keep candlelit jack-o-lanterns, and all other candles, away from curtains and other flammable objects. Never leave candles unattended. #3 FALLS Avoid wearing long, baggy, loose, costumes or oversized shoes. Use face paint instead of masks that can obstruct vision. Make sure hats fit and will not slide down over the child's eyes. Go only to well-lit houses. Clear your own walkway of debris. #4 PEDESTRIAN COLLISION WITH VEHICLES A parent or responsible adult should always accompany young children. Use flashlights, and reflective tape on bags and costumes to be more visible. Cross only at corners. Stay on the sidewalk. If there's no sidewalk, walk facing traffic. Don't cross between parked cars. If you drive: drive extra slowly. Have children get out of the car curbside, not street-side.
By Amelia Kinsolving October 21, 2024
It’s Almost Halloween! There are already plenty of Trunk or Treats and Boo events taking place. As we approach the end of the month and the big trick or treat nights here are some things to consider from a sleep and potty-training perspective. 1. Sleep Remember that nights like this are few and far between and that it is ok to have a night that is out of your schedule. However, being prepared with a strategy to help you get back on track as quickly as possible will make this less disruptive. If you have had to work on sleep struggles before, you may need to return to the strategy that worked for a few nights after your “wacky” night. Potty-Training & Costumes If you are taking a kiddo who is newly potty-trained out for trick or treating, you will want to be very aware of their costume. Is it something they can maneuver on and off by themselves? If it’s not, can any adjustments be made to make it more potty-training friendly? For example, if it requires a leotard or body suit could you get an option that has snaps on the bottom versus something that would need to be pulled all the way down? Potty-Training & Bathroom Stops While you are out and about trick or treating you will want to have a bathroom plan. If you are too far from home, and the little one needs to go now, having an easy to carry travel potty option is likely your best bet. My absolute favorite for this is the one-done travel urinal cup . It easily fits in the side of my bag, and I can attest that the spill proof feature works! Having a plan always makes tricky things a little easier. If you get through the night and are having trouble getting your kiddo back into their sleep or potty routine, we are here to help! You might also be interested in: Avoid These Top 4 Safety Hazards This Halloween How To Handle Halloween Candy: Provide Don't Deprive As an Amazon Affiliate I earn from qualifying purchases.
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