Many adults enjoy eating, and look forward to their favorite foods at breakfast, lunch and dinner. Even without a true love of food, many people understand that certain foods are better for you than others, that eating regularly is necessary, and that most foods provide some type of nutritional value to the human body. Kids don’t always have that understanding, especially very young children.
It’s true that you can teach kids about a healthy diet, and provide them with healthy foods to eat – but the internal motivation may not be there to eat, or to eat foods that provide their body with the nutrients that they need.
This is probably why ‘picky eating’ is such a huge stressor for so many families. Parents feel a tremendous amount of guilt and worry when their little (or not so little) ones do not eat well.
Well-meaning family members, friends, and even professionals will offer a myriad of (often conflicting) advice to encourage better eating in children.
If you are struggling at mealtimes with your child, it can be helpful to try and identify what is making eating a challenge. This can be a daunting and confusing task – and as frustrating as it is, you may never find the exact answer. Often, it IS just a stage that they will outgrow. Sometimes, there are medical or developmental concerns that have yet to be identified – or maybe, the connection between a medical concern and its impact on eating hasn’t been made. Sometimes there are oral motor skills that need to be improved. Maybe there are too many distractions at mealtimes, or they’ve filled up on snacks and drinks. Start observing your child in the frame of their entire day. You may be able pinpoint an easy fix, or an area that a professional may be able to help (for instance, a speech therapist).
The reasons that any one particular child may refuse to try new foods, or eat only a very few foods are so vast, that suggestions that work for some children may not work for others.
This in itself can be frustrating for families. Here are three suggestions that families often receive when they are discussing their ‘picky eater’, and why they sometimes don’t work:
"Have your child help in the kitchen."
This is an awesome tip, and you should definitely have your child help in the kitchen. Chances are that they will have fun, and take pride in their work. They will definitely work on fine motor skills, and even some math. They may get familiar with certain new foods, or get used to the way some foods look, feel, smell, etc. However, having your child help you prepare food in the kitchen is NOT a guarantee that they will eat the food when sitting at mealtime. It is so important, and typically not explained, for parents to understand that helping in the kitchen is separate from eating at the table. Preparing food does not require any eating. If eating is difficult (for whatever reason), you can play in the kitchen all day, and still struggle at the table. All is not lost though if your child loves to help prepare meals. Those experiences will stay with them, and hopefully make eating more enjoyable in the future.
"Let them go hungry."
Hunger is key to cooperation at mealtimes. It is extremely helpful to monitor and limit snacks and drinks between meals, to make sure that your child is hungry when they sit at the table. If they are not a little bit hungry, they are less likely to cooperate. Hunger is your friend at mealtime. However, for a child who is an extremely hesitant eater, whatever is causing that hesitance can be stronger than any hunger that they may experience. In fact, some children never seem to be hungry at all, and therefore are not motivated to eat, no matter how hungry you think you are letting them get. If this is the case with your child, make sure that you discuss with your pediatrician what may be the cause.
"Let your child decide if they want to eat or not."
It is my experience that for the average child and family, a balance of expectations and freedom is key, and this is true at mealtimes as well. There are many varying opinions on how best to handle expectations at mealtimes. I believe that children respond to structure, routine, and knowing what is expected of them. It’s helpful to think about what is reasonable to expect of your child. If you know that they often refuse a certain food – it’s unreasonable to put a huge portion of that food on their plate. If it is something that you’d like them to try, it’s reasonable to put a very small bite sized portion on their plate. In my opinion, though, your child should know that there are some things that are not an option, for instance, coming to the table, or trying one bite of a food.
Feeding is very complex. If you are struggling at mealtimes, there is help and support available. Do not hesitate to advocate for yourself and your child. Toddlers and Tomatoes can help support you on your mealtime journey!