1. Have a Clear and Consistent Routine
Never underestimate the power of a routine for your baby, toddler, or older child. Knowing what happens first, next and when the routine will end prepares the brain and body to relax for sleep and creates a sense of security that can go a long way toward decreasing stalling tactics and anxiety.
Elements of your routine should remain the same from night to night, and should be carried out in the same order — such as “We read one book, we sing two songs, then Mommy will turn out the light, and blow one last kiss.” Some experts recommend reading the same few books and singing the same songs, especially when first instituting a routine. Hearing the same lyrics each night sends signals to the body and the brain that, in time, will make your child begin to feel sleepy. As well, novelty can be too stimulating for some children.
If reading the same books isn’t an option, consider creating a small group of bedtime books from which your child can choose or keep books out of the room and have your child select just two to bring into the room/routine each night. Limited choices are helpful, not only for our little ones but for us as parents too!
2. Create a Goodbye Ritual
Children have trouble letting go of the day and, while turning out the light can be difficult, a closing ritual comfortably signals that the routine is over and sleep is now the only option whether you are leaving the room or staying until your little one is asleep.
My son was a Master Staller – always asking me to stay for “one more minute” or wanting to tell me “something very important”. Combine his stalling expertise with a 3 year old’s typical nighttime fears, and I soon realized we needed a routine to redirect all that anxious energy and get me out of that room peacefully!
Enter rocketship kisses. Since my son loved all things outer space and anything that was silly and exaggerated - and since humor often dispels anxiety -I suggested he throw me a “rocketship kiss”. I stood at his bedroom door and he threw me my kiss. I pretended his kiss was SO powerful it launched me down the hallway very dramatically, complete with knocking into walls and sound effects. He found it so funny that he forgot to be anxious and began looking forward to the end of our nightly bedtime routine.
The tradition has grew and morphed into other silly types of kisses. Each night I would let him choose what kinds of kisses he would throw and whether he would throw one, two or three. Of course he always chose three but providing the option gave him a measure of control and a sense of agency— which brings us to my final tip.
3. Provide Limited Choices
Every ritual or routine must suit your baby’s age and abilities. The older your child, the more options you can provide, but always keep it simple and allow your child to think he or she is controlling the process. The trick? Use choices only when appropriate and determine what your child can choose from.
For example, rather than opening the drawer of 12 pairs of jammies and asking “Which pajamas do you want to wear? try presenting your child with two preselected pairs and asking “Do you want to wear your green pjs or the blue ones?” Rather than “How many books do you want to read?” ask “Shall we read three books or two tonight?” Preschoolers often feel powerless so, if cooperation is what you are after, allow your child to make choices in this way.
Where can you add predictable elements to prepare your child’s body for sleep and create a sense of security? With a little thought and maybe even a flourish of fun or silly (hard to muster at the end of the day, I know!) you can create your own “rocketship kisses” and be well on your way to a more peaceful bedtime!