Let's be real...changing sleep habits isn't easy. There is no magic trick...the "magic" is in the process. That being said, the process should start to feel easier for your baby, and thus for you, with time, practice and recognition. Most families begin to see improvement within 4-7 nights of introducing a new way to sleep.
What about when the effort to learn a new way to sleep isn't improving? Here are four things to consider when progress is slow or impossible to come by...
#1 Is Baby Too Tired to Learn?
Learning something new is hard, even for adults. If your baby isn't making progress, that could be a sign that the
timing of sleep is not an ideal fit. Experiment with getting baby down 10, 20 or even 30 minutes earlier for sleep attempts an notice if that changes anything about their level of upset and/or the duration to get to sleep. Many of the babies we work with are "tricky" babies who hide their tired cues until they can't anymore. By then, they are too tired to practice and master something new.
#2 Is the Sleep Routine Working Against Them?
In order for baby to master this new skill, the steps involved need to make sense to them. Babies thrive on predictability so be sure
the routine leading up to baby being put down is calming, takes place in the room they will be sleeping in, and that all caregivers are walking through the same steps in the same order each time. If you're getting baby drowsy and then putting them down, that may be backfiring. Starting to doze in arms and then being transferred can feel like a bait and switch, frustrating baby more than is necessary. Not to mention, if baby dozes off, wakes on transfer and then has to try to doze off again, that may be harder for their brain and body to do again so soon after. Experiment with putting baby down wide awake, rather than drowsy and notice if that changes anything about their level of upset and/or the duration to get to sleep.
#3 Is Baby Confused or Curious?
The ability to predict what will and will not happen is also important for learning. If 1 +1 usually equaled 2 but sometimes equaled 3 and rarely equaled 4, how skilled could you be at math? Similarly, your baby needs to be able to predict what your response will be when they are put down and become upset and when they wake overnight. If you are sometimes going in to offer an assist, offering a variety of assists, or feeding sometimes when they wake but not at other wakings, baby can easily become curious and/or confused. Curiosity and confusion result in baby waking to see what will happen and waiting (and likely crying) longer to determine whether that will yield a different result. Ask yourself whether your approach and responses are predictable at bedtime, overnight and naptime and, if not, consider making an adjustments to address that.
#4 Is Your Approach the Right Fit?
Assuming your timing is right and your responses are consistent, the last thing to consider is your approach. Sometimes the way we, as parents, want to present changes to our baby is not the way they need us to present them. In my personal case, I wanted to be very hands-on so my son wouldn't cry and, especially, wouldn't cry alone. It turned out there was far more crying involved with that scenario, and crying with no end in sight, than there was when I just got out of his way. Help isn't always helpful so be sure to notice whether your efforts to soothe or respond to baby are productive or counterproductive. If your gut is saying the latter,
consider using a different approach for four nights, for comparison.
If you've got all these bases covered and are still striking out on progress, we can help!