Ask a group of parents to list off common stressors, and ‘picky eating’ is bound to be shouted out.
Difficult mealtimes with young children are so common, that when parents bring up their concerns at the pediatrician’s office, they are often told “don’t worry, it will get better – they will grow out of it”. While this can be true, it’s certainly not helpful feedback. A child may grow out of ‘picky eating’, it may be a phase – but why should we as parents be told to just grin and bear it?
The good news is that there are a few things that can be done to make mealtimes in your home feel less stressful.
Below are a few examples of ways that you can make mealtimes feel more manageable.
1. Get off of the internet.
The internet is a wonderful place with all kinds of information at your fingertips. Have a question [How much should my toddler eat? Is it ok for me to offer dessert at every meal? My child doesn’t eat vegetables , what should I do? I don’t know what percentile my kid is on their growth chart, should I? What do I do if my child holds food in their mouth?], get an immediate answer, or several.
The problem is that the information on the internet can be put there by literally anyone. And you can bet that you will find 1,000,001 different answers to your question. Parents who rely on the internet, and worse, social media, for guidance can find themselves feeling more overwhelmed, confused and defeated then before their searches. This leads to constant second guessing if you are doing the right thing, and impacts how you feel about feeding your child.
Instead, find one or two trusted people who have been in your shoes, and a pediatrician or expert who you trust to offer you sound advice. Limiting the advice input can seriously help decrease the “am I doing it right” overwhelm many parents experience.
2. Don’t compare your experience to that of another family.
Every child, and every family, is different. Some kids will eat everything that their parents put in front of them, and some will turn their nose up at something as shocking as birthday cake. There are so many factors that impact on what a child eats. Comparing what your child does to what your friend’s child does can be an exercise in torture. Give yourself, and your friend, a break, and appreciate that your kids are on their own path. Whoever eats broccoli better is irrelevant.
Instead, celebrate every child in your life for what THEY can do, independent of the other kids. Is sitting in the chair for two minutes a big deal for your kid? Celebrate that! Did Johnny down the street try a new food? Go Johnny!
It is a cliché, but a truth – comparison is the thief of joy.
3. Manage your own expectations and work with your child and family.
The number one cause of stress at mealtimes, in my humble opinion, is unreasonable expectations on the part of the adult. Eating is a chore for many young children. It is rare to find a small child who would rather sit down and eat, then continue playing or doing another activity.
If sitting at the table is a struggle for your child, consider changing up the seating and/or shortening the amount of time that you expect them to be seated. For many very small children, just 5-10 minutes is a huge feat.
If your child is always leaving lots of food on their plate, start observing how much they successfully and willingly eat, and alter how much you put in front of them to begin with. This is a really simple way to decrease the stress of wasted food. Simply do not put so much in front of them.
If your child never seems hungry, look at their day. Are they drinking a lot of fluid or grazing on snacks all day? Then they aren’t going to be hungry when you sit them down for a meal. Consider limiting free access to food and drink, or lowering your expectations of how much they will eat at a meal.
Of course, mealtime stress can be the result of many factors. If you are concerned about your child’s eating habits, or need help identifying ways to decrease stress in your home, there is help available!